It is OK to Grieve

Originally I had intended to write this post a few weeks ago, after Manchester City was eliminated from the Champions League. It seemed apt, as it was painful to see them fall before the final hurdle yet again. They have been seriously in contention for a first win in the competition the last few years. Sadly for us City supporters, Real Madrid played better on the day and deserved the win, taking them through to the final.

It has taken me a while to work out ways to healthily process loss, particularly a team I support losing a game they had a high chance of winning. Being sad is ok. It is good to lament something we wanted that didn’t happen, or something happening that we didn’t want. But we don’t need to let this pain become our only emotion during times of grief.

A few weeks ago I got the news my grandad needed surgery. It wasn’t great news, and took a while for him to be released from hospital into care at home. I travelled up to be with him and our aunt during this time. As did my brother and my dad. Memories flooded back of the times I had thought to call or visit but hadn’t. To him, every moment together was precious regardless of how long it had been since the last time we’d spent time together.

A few days ago grandad died. This has been hard. He was the last of our four grandparents still alive, and he was wonderful. He is wonderful, and is now with God. He can rest with nana, their son who died too young, and other family and friends passed on from this world.

Grieving is hard. That’s ok. It is a time to lament, but also a time to remember good times. There are many good times.

Before grandad died there was still opportunity to share joy with him. His eyes lit up when I told him my girlfriend and I were engaged. He beamed when my brother told him he’d earned his PhD. The day before, my brother organised a video chat with our sister who couldn’t be here. His eyes sparkled proudly like they did every time they spent time together. He made sure we knew how proud he was of us, his three grandchildren.

Thank you grandad, for more than I can put into words. We will miss you and your canny wit, which you held right until your last breath. I will think of you often as I remember your many wise sayings. One of my favourite will continue to help me as I move through this life.

There are no strangers in this world, just friends you haven’t met yet.

I hope these words of my grandad may also help you.

* * *

Peace to you, readers, and your beautiful souls. If there’s someone you love that you haven’t talked to for a while, it’s ok pick up the phone. Don’t worry how long it has been, let them know you’re thinking of them.

Much aroha (love) to you all.

11 thoughts on “It is OK to Grieve

  1. Gary Fultz says:

    Very well said. I sure miss my grandparents and mom and dad. It’s a good thing to grieve and then go on with all the memories, sayings, advice and stories. You never forget them and possibly the sound of their voice.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hamish says:

      Thank you for your kind words Gary. ❤️ So much you learn about living with love in your heart. Being ok with missing my grandparents, because we had so many good times, is something I’m still working on. What I do know is that they loved me dearly, and want me to keep sharing that love with others.

      Peace to you and family. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. S.Z. Estavillo says:

    Grieving is an important aspect to healing. We often also have to grieve not just the people that pass on but the relationships with family members we no longer have in our lives. I’ve personally decided to cut ties with certain toxic family members and just like an actual death, I had to allow myself time to heal as I felt it was the best decision for my mental health. So, sometimes we grieve over what we’ve lost, and other times we grieve over the kind of good relationships we wish we had. There are some things that can’t be salvaged by a phone call. Sometimes we really have to cut people out of our lives and it’s as painful as burying a loved one.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hamish says:

      Thank you for taking the time to read, and thank you for your heartfelt words. Showing love to ourselves by staying healthy is important.

      Stay well, and I hope this week blesses you with some forms of goodness. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. S.Z. Estavillo says:

        You too and feel free to check out my blog. I often try to write uplifting and positive self-help or writing tips. Sometimes I also write commentary about culture. I recently posted about the importance of learning how to handle rejection and managing our egos. You might be interested in it. I hope you have a blessed week as well.

        lilpickmeup.com

        Liked by 1 person

  3. InspireChief says:

    Hamish, I am sorry to hear about your loss. It is tough to lose anyone in your life. In the end all we have is the memories. Every moment together is going to be a memory, so we should make the most of them. Be grateful for the time you had with your grandfather as I know you are.
    Congratulations on your engagement. May you have many happy years together.

    Liked by 1 person

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