Self-sabotage

Thank you ellieejay for the inspiration to be courageous and write this post.

I am one those people that looks for anything else to do except for what is currently in front of me. I’m not necessarily looking to avoid responsibility, I’m just looking for something else.

Towards the end of 2019 I started writing a to-do list every night before I want to bed. If you’ve been keeping up with my blog posts recently you’ll know that I didn’t used to like to-do lists very much. I used to view them as a “What I didn’t get done today” report. Shifting my perspective by spending time thinking about what I want to do each each week, month, and even year, I have been able to divide these lists into groups of tasks. Most of these tasks fit into the categories of writing, music, exercise, social outings, and life admin. Each night when I write my to-do list I have in mind what I want to get accomplished in each category. Since I’ve starting doing this I have been making real progress towards finishing large projects. I’m almost finished the first draft of my first book (an excerpt is on its way I promise, I’m just trying to break away from my perfectionist mindset). I’m two thirds of the way through recording my first EP. Making it available so people can listen to it is a whole other project, but it’s in the pipeline. I’m sleeping regular hours and now working on extending the length of time I sleep, to improve retention of knowledge, recall, and physical wellbeing. It’s all progress.

Yet, I still find ways to divert my attention, to prevent myself fully committing to cultivating the best habits I can. One place I fall down most is not going to sleep early enough. My body can survive on six hours sleep, but I am more productive with more sleep. I get distracted less and can stay on track to get what I need to done. Another place I fall down is getting home from work and lying down on my bed before getting out of my work clothes, before eating food, and before having a drink of water. This I am doing less but it still happens on occasion. Actively choosing to rest is important, but when I have the energy and keenness I can get stuck in.

The biggest piece of advice I can give from my own experience is to move from one productive activity to another when its healthy to do so. The days I feel I accomplish most are the ones I come straight home from work, sit down at my computer and get stuck straight into writing. Or I pick up my guitar and practice. Or I read more wonderful blog posts that you amazing people write, which are so varied and so wonderful and real.

Please allow me to diverge a moment and say thank you so much for your thoughtfulness, your caring attitudes, and your honesty in sharing who you are.

We are strong. We are capable. We can dig deep and find the fire within our soul. It’s not about how many times we fall, it’s about how many times we get back up. Help each other so we can all keep getting back up.

Peace to you, dear friends.

Photo by Ann H from Pexels