The difference made

I love my family. My mother shares infinite amounts of love, encourages me to keep moving forward each day, shares her beautiful craft projects with me, always has skilled hands ready to repair my fraying clothes, and helps me plan systematically. My sister started me playing ultimate frisbee, shares insightful video links to help with my writing, proofreads documents honestly with care, and encourages me to continue working on pragmatic and life-sustaining self-care. My brother offers kind words every day we talk, encourages me to keep playing and writing music, happily has me to stay at their house, and is always up for trying to save multiple universes. My father shares recommendations of books and TV shows, reads my own writings with a critical and caring eye, always has time to talk about football and music, and encourages prayer. Other family, whether related by blood or otherwise, share their time, houses, hospitality, and pragmatic advice, seemingly just when needed.

Up until now in my life, I have not told these people often enough how much they mean to me. Sometimes I even put it into words in a place where the person I’m thanking might not find it. Spreading goodness into the world, and sharing light whenever possible, should not be obligations, or things to induce guilt in our wrestling souls. We should empower each other to do these things. The world throws enough obstacles in our way without our minds adding more negativity and strife. Through years of focussing on mistakes, lamenting them, I had become attuned to seeing all the things I had not achieved, all the time spent making the ‘wrong’ choices, all the goals I had not accomplished. It has been a process changing this mindset to see the good things I do, the wonderful people around me that I make a difference for, and whom make a difference in my life. This process is not complete. It will never be. But I will continue to work towards better thought processes every day I am able, and strive to help others do the same.

One thing I am trying to add to my day is to consciously and outwardly remember to thank those around me. Not with patronising praise, or with words which lack meaning, but with active acknowledgement to myself of the benefit they add to my life, and then letting them know. A barrier that is difficult for me to break is to tell my family and friends I love them. I know I do, I hope they know I do, but I still find it difficult to actually say the words. Saying thank you is a step in the right direction. And really meaning it every time I say it is another. Small steps, but all in the right direction.

Some days I sit down to write this blog and feel I won’t be able to find the words. I struggle to believe what I have to say will make a difference or be useful to anyone. But, my mind slowly whirs into life, the Lord guides my fingers as they write, and ideas that were previously hidden through the unorganised fog sort themselves into coherent stories. I hope these words offer hope to you who wind your way through them, dear readers. Even if they only help one person, and even if that person is me, they served a very important purpose.

Thank you big brother. Thank you big sister. Thank you dad. Thank you mum. Thank you Lord. The difference you make in my blessed life is immense and, though I often struggle to say the words out loud; l love you, from the very depths of my heart.

Dream big; for yourself and those who others. Embrace peace; within your heart and the world around you. Love; always.

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