It’s just a feeling, not in any way the truth of who I am, but some days I struggle to believe better. In a world which constantly reminds us what we are not, that we should be striving to climb different organisational ladders, it is hard to break free from the feeling it is because we are not working hard enough.
Concentrating on what we have done and what we are capable of doing can seem counter cultural and like we are flaking out, avoiding any hard work at all. What it means in practice is knowing every day will not be ‘the best and most productive day yet’ in our lives. That’s ok. Live in the highs and the lows of our lives. At a friend’s wedding over the weekend the celebrant spoke some wise words. When we commit to the lifelong vow of marriage we are committing to work hard to love everything about them, not just the parts we like. Like life, marriage is hard work at times, and if we are going to make it work there is no checking out, to go somewhere to wait, until we want to check back in. We are in it through all the troughs and swells, over highest mountains and down into lowest valleys, through joyous times and all its frustrations.
It is hard. Life is constantly changing, and unexpected change can bring uncertainty with it. The way we work through uncertainty is by communicating to the best of our ability, being honest with everyone we meet, including ourselves. Being honest with ourselves can be the most difficult thing to do. Being honest with others helps them improve, it involves things we see with our eyes, hear with our ears, and even smell with our nose. When it comes to looking inward, being confident in who we are and the awesome things we are capable of we can be too close to it that we completely disregard the truth.
Now is the time to change that. Now is the time to take the first step towards believing in the wonderful possibilities for creativity we have within us. There are enough people in the world telling us we’re not good enough without us doing it ourselves.
Our mind can tell us something we do means far more than it actually does, and that people will view us negatively because of our actions. Sleeping in is a sign of laziness. Being turned down for a job means we don’t have the required skills to do it. Accidentally sending a text message to the wrong recipient shows a lack of common sense or intellect. None of these are true, but our mind can be incredibly persuasive at times. Especially when trying to convince us we have made a poor decision and we are somehow less of a person because if it.
When I feel this lack of confidence I try to make my first action turning to God. I pray for strength to be present, where and when I am. A decision in the past, mistake or the right choice, is not one I can change. A decision in the future is one I can prepare for, but overthinking it takes focus away from the present. If you get into a rut, a cycle of repeating the same things over and over again that you want to change, talk about it. A problem shared is a problem halved are words that ring true for me. We do not have to go through our struggle alone. There will be others going through similar struggles. Hearing out loud how odd the statements our mind can tell us are, can help reduce the power of their untruth.
We are worthy of time, and have worth to give to others. Go well into 2020 dear readers.
Dream big, embrace peace, love always.