Sometimes it’s not about us

When something doesn’t go our way we can focus on what this means for us. Whether we have asked someone for something, put our all into a sports tournament, dance recital, acting performance, or something unexpected crops up seemingly out of the blue. We seldom think about deep thought someone else goes through to make the decision they did, the effort others have put in for their team or for their part of the performance, or the necessity of the thing we did not foresee but others may have.

Sometimes it’s not about us. Sometimes being happy for others is just the ticket.

Over the weekend the team I played on did not win as many games as we wanted to. We were realistic about the tournament being played at a high level and there being no easy games. Other teams played very well against us and in the high stress situations where mistakes cost points, other teams coped better than we did. Kudos to them for that, and good luck to them in future years. In fact, good luck to all teams, including ours, that stay together and work for each other in future tournaments.

When we organise a social event, be it inviting people over to our house for dinner or a board game, or going out to a see a movie or a show, sometimes people will be unable to make it. Whether it is one person that has other plans, or several people that the time doesn’t suit, it can be sad for us to have wanted to spend time with people, and it not work out for whatever reason. Sometimes it’s not about us. We are but one person in the world, and though we are the main character in our own story, everyone else is the main characters in theirs. It can be hard to break free from this thinking, that something might be about us, what we have done or not done. Even when it is not a negative thought spiral it can prevent us thinking pragmatically and healthily.

The world is a better place when we celebrate the good others do in it. Even if, like a team besting ours at a sports tournament, it is somewhat at our expense. People doing cool things is something we should enjoy being able to see, just as it is great when people see and celebrate us doing cool things.

When people are doing other things instead of spending time with us, encourage them to be present where they are, and focus on being present where we are. Joy can be found in the unlikeliest of places.

Be good, keep good, and sleep good dear readers. Peace.

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