Wearily Fortunate

I am fortunate enough to work in a part time job for twenty hours a week, leaving me hours in my week to write, make music, and meet with people at times which suit their schedules. The colleagues I work with in this position encourage self-care at all times. This means I am able to work from home at the times I feel less than human and don’t want to be around others, or stay in bed and sleep on the days getting up is the most difficult thing I will do that day.

Unfortunately, circumstances within this job have meant having Friday off and working “fewer hours” each week have not panned out as planned. This has been a struggle, and is one of the reasons I have not been as productive in writing my blog, fantasy novels, recording music, or otherwise spending my time well. The first thing that has suffered is my ability to make good cognitive decisions around going to bed and allowing my mind to switch off so I can sleep (see the time this post was published for confirmation of this.)

When I sleep less I start to fall into bad habits of eating at irregular times and making poorer choices when it comes to how I spend my time and who I spend time with. It has been a life changing thing to recognise this, acknowledge it, and work to remedy it. I now consciously acknowledge the difference between making a choice not to sleep and when I am unable to sleep. This does not make my body any less tired when I sleep less hours than I need to, but it does mean I am at peace choosing to do something that is better for my well-being, such as working from home. Something as simple as acknowledging and accepting this as OK has been a revelation in helping my overall mental state of mind gradually improve.

A big part of making this change stick has been spending more time in prayer and actively listening to the answers God gives. Answers are not always immediate, and seldom are they what I think they will be, but He always provides exactly what I need at a time when I need it.

Stay tuned for my post later this week about accepting how you are feeling at any given time, and why feeling any emotion on the almost infinite spectrum is valid and healthy. I am still learning how to be OK with the end result of anything I do being different to what I envisaged before I started. You know what that makes me? Alive and human. And I’m OK with that.

Tomorrow might not be objectively “better” but it will be different and provide opportunities for us to be good to each other, to be good to the world, and be good to ourselves.

Be good, keep good, and sleep good, dear readers. Peace to you, and however you are feeling right now.


Photo by Anas Jawed from Pexels.

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