It can be hard to believe we know what is best for us at any given time. Our brain can be calibrated to filter out truth and let past only the untruth it sees fit.
For most humans social interaction is a must to be content and grow. This is one of the first things my brain sabotages when I’m struggling. I become unable to keep social engagements I have already made, and making new ones is an effort, even when others selflessly offer their time, both to organise a thing and to spend time with me. For my empathetic soul this is doubly unfortunate as I feel bad for myself and others, even though most say it is OK as long as I communicate to say I am unable make it.
When I feel low and unable to do any of the things I usually enjoy, spending time with people I trust and find it easy to be around can be life-giving. Not all the time and not every time, but sometimes being around these people can provide positivity I am unable to muster by myself. I hope you can find what things are manageable for you, to provide the energy to be yourself.
As I grow older this is something I am becoming successful at working to improve. For this I am thankful. If someone offers me an invitation for company on a day when getting out of bed is more difficult than I can imagine, I am now able to say yes, knowing it will help me feel a bit better, even if just temporarily. The majority of the time I am even actually able to meet up. It can feel heavy to begin with, like it was not a good idea, but almost every time I leave the house to spend time with these caring people I feel better, even if only a little bit. (If I do not feel better at the time I can usually look back and see in hindsight why it was a good idea.)
On days you can, find yourself and hold onto that. On days it is difficult, find the courage to be around those who help you believe in the awesome person you are. I am a kind person, a caring person, a loving person. Yet I know there are days when I struggle to believe this truth. I love giving to others and helping them find and harness their creativity. But, on my darkest days, I wonder if people would be better off not having to worry about me, I wonder how much effort it must be to spend time with me, I wonder “if I can’t even get out of bed, what use will I be in trying to help others?”
Thankfully I am experiencing less days I am unable to believe the truth. Maybe because I’m getting older, maybe because I’m becoming wiser, maybe because there are more people in my life I feel comfortable being around when much of what I see is darkness. Whatever the reason, I am thankful for all the wonderful, different people in my life. We are all unique, and sharing our gifts and foibles with each other is a blessing we should strive to give freely.
I am me
And you are you
Few things are better
Than knowing this is true
So be you
And I’ll be me
Inside and outside
Living wonderful dreams
Hard lines, heavy times, and handblocks 